Committed sex gets a bad rap. But when you think about the comfort and security of memorizing each other’s bodies, and kicking the pressure to be perfect to the curb, committed sex actually rules.
No need to date around in order to find someone who is worthy of having sex with you, and then teach them what you like. You already have that. You chose that special someone. Lucky you.
We talked with the experts to dig into the question, “Why is committed sex actually the best sex of your life?” Here’s what they had to say.
Practice makes perfect
Dr. Terri Orbuch says committed sex is great because “your partner knows your likes and dislikes already. And just like other things—practice can make perfect (and you and your spouse have been practicing quite a bit!) You and your partner have a history together.”
Studies show that women in long-term relationships have more satisfying sexual experiences than women who only have casual hookups. So yes, it’s your commitment to one another that’s helping you orgasm.
You feel safe and secure
Committing yourself to your partner, for better or for worse, can give each person a sense of security that you wouldn’t get from casual sex. Your husband isn’t going to have sex with you, then ghost you. You’re both in it for the long haul.
Dr. Logan Levkoff, sexologist, sex educator, and author said, “You feel safe. You can be more vulnerable. There is tremendous trust in a long term relationship. You can be more intimate.”
You can communicate honestly
Like the wise Salt–N–Pepa said, “Let’s talk about sex, baby.”
There’s less pressure to feel like you have to fake anything or hide anything with your partner. If you’re not feeling your partner’s move, you can tell them and switch positions—or try something different, or just stop altogether. You can be honest with one another and communicate your feelings.
In a committed relationship, you have the potential to be open and direct with your partner, and expect the same in return.
You can be your best sexual self
Why would “safe” and “comfortable” be bad in terms of sex? Rachel A. Sussman, a licensed psychotherapist and relationship expert, thinks these characteristics are essential, explaining, “I often hear and read that a lot of sex therapists and experts say that one of the reasons it